Week Five

[Dreamer]

I am finding I don't enjoy level five as much as I did level four. My first day, January eighth, I listened in the morning and planned to immediately take a nap, as the video mentioned it being very relaxing. I did take the nap, but felt that was more due to a lack of sleep than because of the session. Yesterday I listened right before bed. It felt wrong not listening to it in the morning as that has been my pattern for four months. I got to bed late, for me, and only slept six hours. Don't feel either particularly rested or tired. Had some odd dreams, but really don't remember much other than they were very odd and I think I knew I was dreaming at the time. Just snatches of thoughts along the lines of  'I need to remember this when I wake up.'

 Listened again this morning, feeling better having put the session back where it belongs. The beginning of the session I was listening rather than entraining – I think. There was the usual expansion of time with it feeling like it took much longer than half an hour. I was finally able to relax into the session toward the end.

Everyone else talks about all the baggage levels four and five bring up to be processed. I'm still waiting  for something like that to happen. Outside of the session I am mostly calm, no real change that I can see from how things were shortly after I started. Maybe I am expecting too much. On the other hand, I am seeing more ways that my clutter and my mind are connected and ways to clear both at once. I am losing my need to have 'things' which is a change for me. My goals in life are still a bit nebulous though. Learning to take small steps mindfully, rather than always focusing on ultimate goals, which always seemed to be changing anyway.

I have the book by Anna Wise, but have yet to read beyone the introduction, to see how that can help me with this.

Blessed Be
Dreamer

[rchoates]

Hi Dreamer. I enjoyed your post. Out of all the levels, level 5~Neptune's Cave, looks to be the most intriguing to me!!
I'll share a story: After about 13 years of steady meditation, a friend asked me one day if I was "still doing that meditation thing"? I was like, "Of course I am!" He then said he thought that meditation was supposed to make you calm or balanced or something, and if that was the case, then why was I so ANGRY all the time. Me, angry?? All the time?? It took me a while to really think about his comment. I began to examine my thoughts and reactions, to really observe my behavior in day to day situations, and I noticed that I WAS angry, and not just all the time, but that anger was an armor I wore and a sword I carried, channeled so seamlessly into intellectual pontificating, it was easy to think of myself as just being caustic and clever. Meditation had helped me to be comfortable with my anger, so comfortable in fact, I couldn't even see it, but meditation, by itself, could not change my anger.
Only when I began to really face my own issues, explore what I really felt myself to be on the inside, in that space that everyone has but rarely is seen or shared, did life begin to take on a clear perspective. It was then that meditation became a method to explore and expose the self that I was, as opposed to meditation being an activity that was supposed to improve me. Meditation as an activity never changed me or my life. It has no "causal" value, in my opinion. But meditation helped me to change how I felt about myself in the most intimate regions of my psyche, and when the feeling inside changed, the life I was experiencing changed to reflect that inner condition. This wasn't overnight, of course. I'm talking years. And then some, lol. And in the beginning, I was surprised by how terrified I was to look within my own self!! I mean, what had I been doing with all those years of meditation!?
I guess I'm trying to express that change is gradual, and that it comes from the inside of your own self, when you're willing to look at all those lovely aspect that loom almost invisible. Meditation has helped me to SEE, see into the depths of a self I had been hiding from, and then to question the construction material that self was made of. I had to level and then rebuild a lot of crap, and at some point I realized in the process that this was the joy and freedom of living.

   

[Dreamer]

Almost finished with my first week of level five. As far as listening pleasure I am not thrilled with this one, possibly becaues I found the thunderstorm of level four so relaxing.

I am finding I do remember more of my dreams, but the dreams I remember are more like movies I am watching than activities I am participating in.

On baggage being brought up, that has started for me. Last night as I was falling asleep I had several unpleasant memories come up bringing me close to tears. These were memories of things I had done wrong rather than wrongs that were done to me. I tried to look at them without judgement to see why I had behaved the way I had and accepted the answers that came up without judgement. Finally I told myself that these thoughts were about events that had passed and could not be corrected, and beating myself up over things that cannot be changed was going to accomplish nothing beyond making me feel miserable. What I needed to do was see if there was any way to repair any damage I may have caused and to make sure I did not repeat my bad behaviour.

Being ADHD with Asperger's I was a trial to my parents with my selfish and impulsive behaviour. It has taken me entirely too long to grow up, but Brain Ev has helped me to take the reigns of my condition and I can see that what I had done was nothing more than the outbursts of a disturbed child. I still have quite a way to go before I will feel I have fully overcome, but I do see that result coming.

Robert,
Thank you so much for your wonderful post and wonderful story. Your point that meditation is an activity that does not have intrinsic 'causal' value created a picture in my mind of a boat. To reach the island one must have a boat, but having a boat does not mean that one will automatically reach the island. Instead one may stay near the shore or sail pass the island without landing. Driving a car does not mean you will reach your destination unless you know the directions of how to get there.

Blessings to all
Dreamer

[Tiffany]

Thank you Dreamer, for sharing this and for your post as well Robert.  I love the idea of the boat and how that doesn't mean you are guaranteed to reach the island.  These days, it is easier to become more "entitled" and feel as if you are owed something.  I get a lot of BrainEv customers that listen a week and "because they don't see any results" they quit.  We are becoming programmed to a faster-paced life that requires instant gratification, or we decide it isn't worth the trouble.

Many people lose their way and miss out on a lot of what life has to offer with this kind of attitude.  It is only by keeping your hand on the helm that you can steer your boat to the right shore.

-Tiffany

[rchoates]

Absolutely Dreamer, that is my point about meditation. You can meditate all you want, achieve the most glorious cosmic states, and it will doing nothing to change the life you're living, save for make you very tolerant of the life you're living. Change happens when you direct that meditative focus into your own mind content and understand the mental directives that build the life you experience, and change the psychological patterns into a beneficial structure.
And you're right...cannot change the past, and there's no need to. When we look back on childhood, we often view the experience with the same mindset we had back then, rather than the adult we are now. We tend to blame ourselves for things that were beyond our emotional control, thinking that somehow we could have been better. Impossible!!! To learn from those experiences is the whole point, not to hold yourself accountable for what can't be undone. Live, learn, and seek to improve from what you learn is not only a good path, it's the only path!! There's an old saying that goes: the greater the damage, the greater the reward. Show me someone who's lived a clean life, and I'll show you someone who doesn't know a damn thing about life.
Don't get me wrong: I don't believe that pain and suffering are intrinsic to the human condition. I think at this point in human development, pain and suffering appear to so many to be the best option for learning and growth. I think that as we continue to evolve, and really learn to love ourselves in heart, mind, and body, pain and suffering will lose their appeal.
Life is a good thing. I can think of nothing better than to be Self-Aware!!

[Dreamer]

Well, I am now in my third week of level 5 and just realized I wrote week rather than level when I began this thread. Not sure how to explain what happened when I began the second week of level 5. It was a cascade of things, some outside, some inside. Problems with my daughter escalated to very high levels, difficulties at work, began an online class on energy healing that I have temporary access to – hoping to finish it within the time-frame I have allotted. Then there were the inside things. I remembered some dreams, but not all, and most of the memories seemed to be of symbolic things rather than the normal event or action sort of dream. Example, I dreamed of teal. The color. Nothing else to it. Another night I dreamed of half an onion. Not cutting it or using it for anything, just the onion itself. Weird. There was a person who I really felt I could count on for help and encouragement, but when I asked for help it seemed like I got the brush off. Suddenly she doesn't respond to phone messages or emails, even though I can see from Facebook she is still doing well. That hurt.

For some reason, I had some real hesitations on visiting the forum last week as well. Okay, I did have some computer problems and then spent four days away from home and my computer, without knowing my password to get into the forum even if I wanted to. Not only did I have no desire to write anything, but I couldn't focus to read anything either. I will probably make up for lost time in the next few days, at least I am hoping to. I feel like I am going through some kind of paradigm shift. I just don't know how to explain it.

I did spend some time reading Anna Wise and got into the section about untrained Delta waves. Not going to quote here, but I recognized a lot of what she described. She said that delta waves were related to physical manifestation in some way, and I remembered my parking space at work. I worked in a store at a busy shopping mall. No matter what time I went in to work, or how crowded the parking lot was, my parking space was always empty and waiting for me. I knew it would be there and it was, without exception. There were several times when I was quite young when I was able to 'read minds' in a way. I would be talking with someone who was having a lot of difficulty describing something when I would “see” a picture of what they were describing and describe it back to them with them conferming I was correct. Finally, Anna mentioned in the book that every energy healer, no matter what method they use, had very high Delta waves and I have practiced energy healing, and been very effective with it, for close to thirty years, only being trained in Reiki about ten years ago. Before then it was all intuitive. My intuition kept our car from hitting a fox running across the road, as I jumped and yelled 'stop!' before the animal even broke cover. I guess I have or had a very high, untrained, Delta pattern going, and level five seems to be changing that. I don't want to lose what I had, the strong delta frequencies, but it will be nice to have more control over them. I am looking forward to going back through Anna's book with her meditation CD and actually doing the exercises rather than skipping over them as I am doing now.

Beyond that, what is level five doing for me? I'm really not sure. I am finding I am becoming less empathetic in a good way. It used to be when I was around people who were negative, a lot of their negativity would become mine. Now it seems like I am sending out my positive energy to them instead of absorbing what they are generating. Not always, but a lot more often. It will be even better when I can make it constant.

At halfway through level five I am nearing the end of my six months of training, but I feel like I have just scratched the surface. I know I have to follow the path that Pure Bliss has chosen, and when I finish level six I will have to start again at the beginning and go through everything a second time. I am not questioning this because there is something inside letting me know this is what I MUST do. Things feel strange to me right now. My own thoughts and attitudes are so different from what they used to be, yet are very comfortable, like a brand new pair of shoes that fit perfectly after years of wearing shoes that did not fit. Or like the mattress commercial that says “I didn't know I wasn't getting a good night's sleep, until the first time I DID get a good night's sleep.”

Well, I will end this here and hope it helps someone beyond just helping me.

Blessings
Dreamer

[rchoates]

I keep telling myself I have to get that book by Anna Wise....I will!!

Entrainment is a process that takes time. What I've noticed with BrainEv is that the entrainment process used in the audio is so comprehensive and unique (compared to other entrainment products), that it does indeed help the brain to "organize" its electrical activity. Using the entrainment everyday is cumulative process that helps to build a framework your brain eventually learns to work with. So doing the program a second time can only be beneficial.

[Pure Bliss]

Hi Dreamer,
Welcome back to the forum, I have really missed you.
I was really interested in your delta contribution. I know that you won't have got round to reading it, but I too posted stuff about delta, also from 'Wise Anna'. I know she has since died, but I sometimes wonder if she only could realise how much she is still with us! I feel such an affinity with her.

Level 5 does confront us with our delta skills (or lack of mastery). I was shocked to the core when I started this intuitive acupressure healing and just released all that deep muscle pain. How did I know what to do? And why did this come up now as I worked through BrainEv? I am excited to see what will happen when I get to Level 5 Round 2.

I see you have already 'given yourself permission' to be a healer. When doing level 5, memories resurfaced of a faith healer telling me I was a healer and that I also had two guides to assist me - he could see them standing beside me! At the time I was about 8, really suffering from psychic phenomena, scared spitless about ghosts and the whole underworld shebang. I promptly decided I would prefer to be 'free' of my invisible aides and turned my back on healing. The psychic stuff continued and that widened the rift as I was genuinely afraid of the unexplainable.

Now, many moons later it is nice to reconnect with my healing aspect. I healed myself spontaneously. Who knows what I could be capable of if I really honed my delta skills?

It is interesting to note your current cluster of 'communication sensitivites' bubbling up in level 5. Friction with daughter. Being cold shouldered by 'friend'. Blocked off your computer. You yourself having no desire to post on this forum. Yet you could distance yourself from being contaminated by the negative energy output of others. At least the latter skill will be useful to shield yourself when you perform Reiki and massage on others. If I were you, I would meditate and ask yourself what you are to learn from each of the other communication impasse. What, exactly, do they mean to you? What can you learn from them? Ask and then trust what your intuition tells you. It might be a fun and useful exercise in training delta useage.

Regarding the teal (blue is associated with theta bursts), the onion symbols. It appears you managed to bring the symbols over your alpha bridge. All you need to do now is get quiet, and ask your inner self what meanings to attach to the symbols. Likewise you should trust whatever you get.

In my own thread I did this and the symbol I got was a table with a rucked up green baise tablecloth. What the hell? I was a bit disappointed at the unexciting symbol. Yet when I asked, I got two amazing (at least for me) and useful explanations..... both of which helped me and made me feel I was cracking the sub and unconscious realms open.

Welcome back, and I'm glad to share all your recent inner activity. Love Pure Bliss

[Dreamer]

At the end of my third week at level five. I am loving some of the clairity I am feeling, being able to identify the problems in my life and attitude, rather than simply knowing something is wrong.

Life has been very difficult in many ways; with a daughter living with me who is having a lot of difficulties herself and not knowing the best way to help her; a puppy who is also here and much loved but still destructive in the way all puppies are; and a boyfriend who does not live here and can be extremely supportive (which is something very new) but also extremely negative in a way that attempts to undermine everything I want to do.

I have been getting insites as to what the symbol dreams mean, and am working on the things that have been brought up. I'd mentioned the half onion dream, and that isn't completely accurate. I could tell my looking at it that if the onion were whole it would look like a perfect onion, but within the top three layers it became a tangle of fibers. I have taken that to mean me and my life right now. To most anyone outside looking in, it looks like I have everything together, but from the inside looking out I know for a fact I do not have everything together and really have no clue on how to handle some of the problems that come up. I also know that as I do get things together the onion will become a true onion, if that makes any sense.

I know when I began this level I did not care for the sound track, but I have gotten used to it and am starting to like it a little. I don't know if it is effecting my ability to perform Reiki, as that is apparently tied to brainwaves as well. I am listening to the seven minute chakra tune-up every, or almost every day. It isn't a true meditation but does seem to be helping me. Part of me is in a rush to begin level six, and part wants to stay on level five beyond the end of the month.

Guess I really didn't have much to say today.

Blessings
Dreamer

[Pure Bliss]

Hi again Dreamer,
I was reading your posts through again. I notice what you say about encountering difficulties, or life being difficult right now. Just remember that level 5 seems to do this for many of us. Not exactly hitting a wall, but (in my experience) the early levels are so pleasant, supportive, rewarding that I believed this would last for ever - intensifying if anything - and then level 5 came along and the world is back to brass tacks. Knocks and bumps, ups and downs, without the soporific, gentle alpha effects to smooth down any rough edges.

You and I are both currently facing issues that are more or less beyond our personal control to improve or resolve. My life is pretty well on hold as we wait (and wait and wait and wait) for our house to sell and now being thrown into the role of Alzheimers carer..... There isn't all that I can do to change this phase of my life, nor did I choose it. It is this powerlessness that makes me chafe so at the bit. I have always been active, dynamic, a problem-solver. Now I have problems without fast solutions. And I am not keen on playing the waiting game = pain and distress and frustration = not conducive to producing a 'symphony of genius frequencies' in the brain.

As far as I can see, the trick in living well, is to create a good life outside these external constraints. And listen to lots of alpha - and I am finding theta helpful too. Not sure if delta is too good (and you get lots of it in level 5) as reality rises up and stares us in the face. The fight or flight syndrom (brainwave frequencies) start to surface again.

Recognise you are surfing a tricky wave and ride it as well as you can. Other waves you can ride with aplomb and elegance, but this one is edgy enough to trip up even the surf-masters. Use the time well and be glad to mount a new wave soon.

Love Pure Bliss
PS Change is always afoot. My mother is much much worse since November as she loses the line that divides reality from her internal imaginings. And we seem to have found an agent who intends to sell houses, not just keep them on his books. One change in the right direction is all it takes. So keep your creative mind engaged on finding those who can assist you to achieve difficult changes! Hugs to you!

[Dreamer]

Thank you, Pure Bliss, for your post. Apparently it went up while I was typing mine out. The two go together well, so I see no need to change mine beyond adding this paragraph. I have not taken a break from level five and its delta waves, and really have had no desire to. I don't think it has created a fight or flight response, or if it has then it is a fight I need to take up to gain control of my life, not one to be avoided. My original post follows.

Midway through my final week of level five. I have not taken a break from it, nor had any noticable garbage come up, but am remembering more of my dreams when I wake up.

On the other hand, I am not posting like I used to, as I would like to - nor am I following the threads I once did and responding as I probably should. I listen to level five and feel very introspective; looking at where my life is right now and where I want it to go. I am doing a lot of work inside my own mind which is keeping me from wanting to do things outside of my own sphere. My apologies to everyone for this.

There is a lot of chaos occuring all around me right now, but I am now able to see it rather than get sucked into it any more than being aware that there are things I need to do to either calm the waters or to escape the chaos. Two close friends, who had been close to each other, are now at each other's throats with threats of law suits. I would rather not lose either friend, but I see the possibility that I may have to choose sides, or rather they are choosing my side for me as one of them is no longer speaking to anyone outside her immediate family.

Man friend problems are interesting. As has been the pattern for the past two plus years, as soon as the problems seem to be overcome and things look like they are getting better, the exact same problems arise from the dead wearing different costumes. He tells me that these are different/new problems, but I recognise them from before. I am getting tired of rehashing the same disagreements over and over again.

Daughter problems are also reaching their peak. I love my daughter and want to support her in any way I can, but recognise I have my own problems with co-dependancy, and allowing her to wallow in her depression hiding from the world is not actually helping her. To step back from that role, which I have been in for over a year, may create a lot of friction and accusations that I am being cruel and unfeeling, but it is something I need to do for both our sakes.

As mentioned when I began this post, I am not having any new garbage come up, but I am getting a clearer insight to the garbage that I already knew was here. Things will not be easy for me in the next few months, but I see a need for me to make a sea change in my life's direction, in all areas; friends, family, romantic interests.

Wish me good luck.

Blessings
Dreamer

[rchoates]

I'm wishing you Luck, Dreamer...lots of Luck.

You know, in difficult situations, where so many elements are all over the place, but tied together so as to make a tangled mess, that's when I get really quiet inside myself, just for a moment or two, several times during the day. And in that quiet space, I see in my mind what it is I really want, from myself and in my life, and from that directional assessment, I imagine how I need to face and conduct the difficult situation I'm in, that best reflects the overall intent I want my life to be. I try to move from a space of wanting my life, instead of withdrawing to a space that feels my life isn't this or that.

I know those are just words, and real life is never as easy as A, B, C. But I think being aware is the key that helps. Aware of yourself, who you are and what you want, Aware of the situation and how it came to be as it is, Aware of your life in general, what makes it work (or not), and Aware, however vague the sense may be, of what makes you get up in the morning to face the day. Because that is a choice.

Life, the suffering or joy of it, is measured in degrees of awareness, and to Be Aware, is my only goal, no matter the situation. Of course, life is life, not without its humor, and sometimes a change or move just doesn't happen, even when you see the train coming from a mile away.

But that's okay: I have a middle finger.

[HOG Rider]

Dreamer...I understand your situation with your daughter, I'm watching the same thing occur in my household, youngest son is a heroin addict and mom is co-dependent and in denial.  I cannot change either one of them nor am I trying, I know better, all I can do is work on my issues. I pray for you and your situation with your daughter, by stepping away from her issues, as hard as it is for a mom, it IS the best thing for both of you.

[Dreamer]

Thank you Robert and Hog Rider, for your kind words and sympathy. Daughter is an adult and bi-polar. She thinks she is still entitled to being fully supported by 'Mommy' but mommy is reaching her limit financially. She decided the counseling and meds were not helping, so quit both last month and has become much worse.

I am getting counselling on how to handle her, but have only had a couple of sessions so far. Not many suggestions in that time.

The only good thing I see right now is I finally got her to start using my Brain Ev disks last week. I'm not sure if they will actually help with something as severe as Bi-polar mania, but they certainly can't hurt.

[Pure Bliss]

Hello Hog Rider, Dreamer and Robert!
Wow those are some marvellous, honest, real life posts you have all posted.
@Robert: I truly envy your ability to tune out of the real world chaos and centre in on what you want. I will certainly try this for myself. However it is hard for me even to 'allow' myself to think about what I want when this might entail putting my Alzheimer mother in a home - something I know is her worst ever nightmare! But I will endeavour to focus/meditate/honestly reflect on what I want. This has its own wisdom and honesty.... perhaps it will give me clarity. [Insight - added this section a little later. It is my lack of clarity that 'enables' me to whinge and moan, rather than accept and take right action. I need to be clear. This lack of clarity sets the scene for internal dissonance, which in turn facilitates my playing games.... Time for me to grow up, methinks.]

@ Hog Rider: Phew! Not an easy life right now. I do not envy you. And I genuinely sympathise and hold out a symbolic hand. It must be a very, very difficult walk to walk. It is also a kick in the pants for me to stop wallowing in my drama stories. Mum does have Alzheimers, but she is 85.... so if we provide a safe haven, that is good enough. Finances crush our options to a tiny pinpoint of what they could be if we sold our house. However heroin, bi-polar and mothers in denial are far more difficult to shift as they require others to make great changes. [I see you have dropped the lenses that allow me to blow hot or cold, as I feel suits my mood. Your reality is a harsh one, but I think you are right, the only way is to work on our own issues. I have been using Mum's issue as a Big Problem to mask my own imperfections. Ouch!]

@ Dreamer: I know that bi-polar is a hard nut to crack, not only are there ups, but downs too.... and the medication requires a fine touch..... and bi-polar certainly hits family very hard. Seeing you cannot force this reluctant bi-polar fledgling to fly on your own and getting expert help as well is change/progress. Don't forget to acknowledge that change is afoot, even if you cannot see it yet. I know you, and I see the change as it occurs - from outside, but it is visible nonetheless. The change is akin to what Robert speaks of. You have seen that despite your doing what you can as a parent, your daughter isn't making the progress she needs to to live independently. So you are changing from the inside. You are drawing a line. You know that what you were both doing in the past isn't a long term solution. So you are getting advise and support from outside. Robert is right. So is Hog Rider. Change and clarity (right action) come first from within. Then we can take steps (or not, as may well be in my case) to encourage change on the outside.

This is a very special forum. In common we have BrainEv, and yet people are prepared to come out of their shell, admit life has some blemishes - many beyond our control. It is amazing to be a part of this.

For me, too, I feel that change is afoot. It is time for me to take very adult steps even if it takes courage and determination. That is why I need to have my brain working with me rather than against me, hence the BrainEv. In the last couple of weeks I have taken some steps that have the potential to make my life a whole lot better, more fun, I will have a greater locus of control. But I pay the price of possible positive change now in that I feel unsettled, I am having headaches, I see clearly that whole aspects of my life must alter if positive change is to occur.

You are all in my thoughts - and with an increasing ability to self-select my brain state, plus more and more access to whole-brained thinking - well the sky is the limit. I want nothing but the best outcome for you/us all.
With deep gratitude for you honesty and allowing me to grow alongside you, Pure Bliss