Bliss in L2 Round 2

[Pure Bliss]

Happy New Year Everyone 

Here is the nicest New Year's Wish I got which I am passing on to all of you.
"I met some travellers yesterday; they were Peace, Health and Wealth. They were looking for a home, and I gave them your address. When they arrive, make them welcome and give them a home."

If my wobbly Christian background doesn't fail me, the three wise men (which I am calling Peace, Wealth and Health) arrive on 6th January (or little Christmas in Ireland, the day when  women celebrate together, while menfolk do the housework, cooking etc.). I have been asking myself what I can do to prepare for my three visitors. How do I make them welcome? If Peace came to my home and into my life, would I even recognise it? What does Health mean to me? How do I envisage Wealth in all its ramifications, nuances and perspectives. It would be a pity if these three travellers did come looking to reside in my home, and I didn't  invite them in because I failed to recognise them. Fortunately we live in a quantum, holographic universe, so Peace, Health and Wealth are ALSO on their way to you (and you, and you!) right now. The big question is, will you give them the welcome they deserve so they decide to remain in your home? For myself I have decided to create three figurines, not sure how they will look right now, one signifies Peace, the second Health, and the third will be Wealth. I am going to hang them (perhaps as a small mobile) inside my front door as a reminder that I choose to keep these travellers as my constant companions. That's my intention, anyway.

The rest of my Evolutionary Adventures is in the following post.  Here's to Peace, Health and Wealth in 2012 and beyond, Purest Bliss

[Pure Bliss]

Level 2; Round 2
A new year and a new level. I will stay on Level 2 until February: aim is to listen to one session per day.

a) Consistency with BrainEv training
I realise that CONSISTENCY is the key for me to focus on. No one gets fat unless they consistently consume too much. No one gets fit unless they consistently exercise. Of course there are variations in what consistent means. Once a day. Once a week. Every mealtime. And so on. The Brain Ev developers recommend one session per day - hence this recommendation is my current chosen parameter of 'consistent use'. I am excited to see what level 2 and ongoing alpha exposure brings to my mindstate (immediate and short term) and mindset (longer term).

b) Whole-brain Thinking: Getting Answers to our Questions
c) Insomnia: answers to our question
In Level 1 I became aware that the response rate to questions I raised increased dramatically. On occasion I had my response BEFORE I had fully formulated my question. This trend continues. Here is last night's example.

My sweet, stressed daughter (she faces into her baccalaureat exams in June) is starting to have significant problems going to sleep. Sounds very familiar! I do so sympathise as an ex-professional insomniac. She says it is like having the radio on but at no specific wavelength, a constant buzzing keeps her from sleep. I share my bag of tricks. Brain Ev daily (which she is getting into, it used to drive her crazy and revs her up at bedtime). Delta sleep CDs. Chakra Guided Meditation to distract and relax.  Last night she used Open Focus (which knocks me into deepest alpha and I cannot keep awake!), which calmed this damn Beta-Buzz (my version is Beta-Frazzle) down and she slept. Consistency? She is not yet consistent, so obviously we cannot expect tangible results. Or any results really.

Back to my example of time speeding up and delivering instant responses to life questions.
We discussed her Beta-Buzz and I fixed her up with Open Focus and my set of Sleep Phones (readers will recognise how other Brain Ev-ers have pointed me in the right direction: thanks for the Sleep Phones tip HogRider, and NickR is the Open Focus channel). I returned to my own bed where I am idly trawling through Autobiography of a Yogi (Paramahamsa Yogananda). I promise you the next paragraph I read was:
"The Divine, he [Sri Yukteswar] pointed out, is properly manifested through physical and mental soundness. He discountenanced all extremes..... Sri Yukteswar's health was excellent: I never saw him unwell. ...he permitted his students to consult doctors... But he extolled the superiority of mental therapy, and often repeated: "Wisdom is the greatest cleanser." .... "Pain and pleasure are transitory, endure all dualities with calmness, trying at the same time to move yourself beyond their power. Imagination is the door through which disease as well as healing enters. Disbelieve in the reality of sickness even when you are ill; an unrecognised visitor will flee!" [p.117]

Based on our physicians' advice, antidepressants can reduce the anxiety that provokes insomnia. She has been prescribed sleeping pills to use in extreme situations of non-sleep. Each treats the symptom and leaves the root to thrive. I was drawn to Sri Yukteswar's words. Why not activate our inner wisdom? Ask ourselves why we cannot sleep? And listen to the answer, accepting it may be symbolic (if it comes from delta realm which is non-verbal). Also not being able to sleep - the feeling of beta-buzz - is a form of extremism/polarisation. Something within us 'resists' sleep. His advice is to "move yourself beyond pain or pleasure" and open the door to our imagination, the "door where healing (and disease) enters". Rest assured, I shall try to move to a middle point, the place between pain and pleasure, and open the door to my imagination.... and allow sleep to drift over me. Will keep you updated.

This morning I read the caption in my mother's diary. It read: "Insomnia isn't something to lose any sleep over." How weird is that!

d) Open Focus report
A note on Open Focus. I cannot stay awake.  I cannot! [Great tool for insomniacs this. Three mins. of his guided meditation and I am in deep, spacy alpha.] Les Fehmi suggests doing it standing up! I may have to! Anyway, I kept my eyes open during today's session and heard parts of the guided meditation I had never heard before. And I went for a walk in the forest yesterday and noticed my perception of boundaries had changed. I used to focus on the foreground. Yesterday I saw deeper, into the spaces, a deeper perspective. Interesting, as the aim of the Open Focus therapy is to move from intense focus to diffused attention.

I also realise that this is starting to work for me because I am using it consistently. Consistency is the trick. Do it and I will get results. Be fickle, lazy, inconsistent and I can only harvest mediocre results. So, my intention is to be consistent. He recommends two 30 min sessions per day. I cannot do this due to time constraints. So one session per day is better than haphazard inconsistency.

I wish you all the gift of consistency today and all the day's of this week. With consistency we can expect change. And change is what we are after. Take care, Pure Bliss

[NickR]

  Hi Pure Bliss. I experienced similiar problems when I began with Open Focus. I would fall into a deep sleep. To counter this I kept seated but held an object in one hand and held my arm out.
   I have noticed the diffused awareness effect on my vision. Yesterdays session of Brain Ev was interesting. I became aware of a firm but gentle stroking on the left of my face. Level 3 towards the end of the sessions is still sending me very deep, almost to the point of sleep.
  Your point on consistency is well made. A little concerted action everyday and change will happen.
Best Wishes 

Nick

[july62]

Hello Pure Bliss,

Thank you for the sage's wish of New year,Really I am moved by your helpful thought.

Your quote  Rest assured, I shall try to move to a middle point, the place between pain and pleasure, and open the door to my imagination.It just passed without, atleast, a tingle,would you please elaborate a little further to this student of yours.Especially"" open the door to my imagination""

Regards

ZRD

[SoHum]

Dearest Pure Bliss,

Thank you so much for this post! I have been thinking of how I can welcome Peace, Health and Wealth into my home. Until I come up with THE idea, I have written a simple welcome message and placed it between a Selenite (transforms all negativity into light = Peace) and a Carnelian (welcoming abundance) in my front hallway. As far as health goes - perhaps a Shungite? Anyway, I thank you so much for kick starting my creative juices!

I think I won't be needing Open Focus as the 3rd week of Level 2 still has me snoring peacefully within a few short minutes  I have yet to hear the track in its entirety! As such, I find it hard to journal the experience. Despite extremely busy times, I do consistently BrainEv daily but it continues to be at bedtime. Have I noticed any changes? Other than remaining calm despite the storms, I can't say that there is much going on. I would love to report massive bouts of creativity, energy beyond belief, etc., etc. but that just isn't happening. What I have noticed, is that continuing the practice is no problem at all. In the past 2 years, I have purchased a multitude of selp-help programs only to jump to the next before even giving the last one a chance. That has stopped with BrainEV. Not only have I happily kept with it, but I have not jumped on any new bandwagon since! When I think about it, that IS a major and positive change!

You are truly an inspiration. I thank you again for your support and insights.

Liebe Grüße

[Dreamer]

Hello Pure Bliss,

consistancy has frequently been a problem for me with only one or two instances I can point to as exceptions. Brain Ev is one of those exceptions. In fact I feel 'wrong' if I miss a day. I just need to become consistant in other areas as well.

I love to read about how manefestation has entered your life. It is so amazing to know that it can happen to regular people and not just the big name gurus like Jack Canfield or Bob Proctor.

As far as falling asleep during guided meditiations, this is something that has always been a problem for me. Actually, I rarely actually fall asleep, I have had people with me at times who could tell I was still awake as I listened, it is just a lack of Alpha waves to bring the deeper brain waves up to the concious mind, so I don't remember what happened during the session which gives a feeling of waking up at the end of the meditation. Anna Wise suggests holding a glass of water during the session to keep this from happening. As I do not have this problem with Brain Ev. I have had no reason to use her suggestion but will do so the next time I listen to a guided meditation. I will either continue to be aware or I will get very wet.

I found a book floating around the house, "The One Who is Not Buzy" which is about the same subject as Open Focus. I am thinking I may read through that before investing in Open Focus.

SoHum, thank you for mentioning using crystals (gem stones) as welcomers for Peace, Health and Wealth. I will have to look through my collection and see if I have anything appropriate I can use and set up a small altar for the purpose. Hopefully I will have it done by January 6, as mentioned by Pure Bliss.

On another hand, I know it is suggested that one should attempt to stay awake during the Brain Ev. sessions, which is why I do them in the morning. Even though level four has me ready to go to sleep when it completes, and I have used it to help me fall asleep more than once, I have yet to sleep through it.

Happy New Year to all,
Dreamer

[Autumn Leaves]

Dear Bliss
as always your posts contain many gems of wisdom. I particularly enjoyed your sharing of the New Year's wish and the excerpt from autobiography of a Yogi. I have extracted the words and will include them in my New Year's brochure to my clients to serve to remind them of their own power and the importance of balance (equilibrium).

So Hum I also like your idea about the use of gem crystals and will perhaps use similar ones in my treatment room to give peace, health and wealth a home in that area as I spend a lot of time there with my clients.

I'm also preparing a welcoming space in each of the rooms of my home that equate in the General Space Feng Shui sense.
Health in the East (possibly a green coloured item or crystal), Peace (balance and harmony) in the Centre (possibly a pink,  rose or orange coloured item or crystal), and wealth (fortune and abundance) in the South-East (probably a gold coloured crystal like citrine) to welcome them in on 6 January (which interestingly is also the day that I need to activate my monthly feng shui cures).

Happy and creative new year with plentiful peace, health and wealth to all.
Autumn Leaves

[Pure Bliss]

Thank you all for taking the time to react to my musings, and for those delicious elements each of the five of you shared. I shall let your magic work on me.

Right now I have to set up my Welcome for Peace, Health and Wealth as it is 4th January. I certainly don't want to be the first hypocrite of the year, talking the walk (having good intentions) but not walking the walk i.e. opening 2012 to 3 amazing Influences (Peace, Health and Wealth) sharing my home and accompanying me through life.

I have a lot going on right now and it is easy for me to loose my focus and get distracted. Now, first task is to find my crystals and get them out in the garden to cleanse and purify until 6th Jan when I expect my special visitors to arrive - that is for my portable reminder. The gem lady in the village near mine says we should wear them in our bra - not an option for NickR and July62, I imagine  . That's a downside of being male.

My Welcome Home mobile is still fuzzy. I have found a nice dove of peace to attract Peace to my home and life. What can I use as symbols for Health and Wealth? Ideas anyone? I need to reflect on this. I want it to be highly visual, with emotional impact for me, and yet not too bizarre as I don't really want to explain it to everyone who sees it.

@July62. Opening the door to imagination. Your question buzzed me, sir! I have lots to share from a brainwave perspective, but not right now. Creativity and genius seem to reside in delta-unconsciousness. As this is non-verbal, expect answers to come as symbols, sensations, flashes of insight, darts of colour. Then it is up to us using our alpha bridge and beta awareness to interpret the gold nuggets delta delivers into consciousness.

[Nikaya]

Pure Bliss,

I had so much to say while reading your post but right now I'm hung up on your daughter's buzzing when she tries to sleep. I'm curious, as far as you know is it just a mental buzz much like the chatter so many of us hear on a regular basis? Or is it an audible noise/tinnitis?

I personally have had three forms of tinnitis for several years. This is an unofficial count...by three forms I mean that I simply hear three different sounds on a regular basis. I have a constant buzzy sort of ringing that I hear whenever I'm in a quiet room and it's especially noticible when I try to sleep...mostly because it's so loud it keeps me awake at night. An ear doctor once told me I had some hearing loss after doing some noise tests but couldn't seem to understand that I simply could not hear the high pitched beep over ringing I have that's about the same pitch! haha go figure. I also get an occassional ringing that is a much higher pitch and fades in and out. Thirdly I sometimes hear a knocking sound. When the knocking first started a few years ago I thought my neighbors were hammering downstairs. At some point I realized that they couldn't possibly hammer that consistently for that long on multiple days. Then I noticed when I put my fingers in my ears to shut out the noise, it got louder! I also noticed that the knocking/hammering sound was at the same rate that I could feel my pulse in my ears tapping against my fingers. Considering that the aural nerve and the carotid artery are in close proximity I suppose it makes sense.

At any rate, the reason I ask is that I've managed to alleviate 2 of those 3 sounds almost completely (they still come back from time to time, but more quietly and for shorter periods of time). The knocking and highest pitch ringing are very rare now...and have been ever since I started doing trigger point therapy on my neck! I got a book last year called "The Trigger Point Therapy Handbook: Your Self-Treatment Guide for Pain Relief" in hopes of relieving some back and hip pain. The problem is I haven't been consistent with it (maybe I need to set an hour aside for that and BrainEv for one nice feel-good session!). It's a great book for showing the connections between various trigger points and health issues, some corrrelations being rather surprising. I did have some relief in my back, hips, lets, etc. but didn't stick with it enough to get the full benefits that I probably would. BUT I read a section about a connection between ear problems and trigger points in the neck and figured it was worth a try. I found the spots and practices a few times, then started working on them every night while in bed that I heard the knocking. It took a couple weeks but it started to subside a bit, first simply quieting in volume and then finally leaving completely. Now I only hear the knocking when my blood pressure is up (anxiety attacks, caffeine, etc.) and it usually (though not always) works for the high pitched ringing too (though I usually have to stretch my neck also...and the combo helps a great deal).

Unfortunately , it hasn't done much for the constant, quieter/lower pitched ringing...but that doesnt' bother me like it used to. At some point I found that trying to ignore it only made it worse (or at least more frustrating). So one night I just listened to it...I mean REALLY listened to it. I tried to noice the pitch, ups and downs if there were any...I actually tried to think of it as white noise (which isn't far from the truth when my S.O. snores haha). I don't know if the volume actually diminished or if it was just my perception of it that did, but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. I still hear it all of the time, sometimes a little louder than others (probably related to my stress level). But it rarely keeps me awake.

Soooo...that was much longer than I intended, but I hope something in there may be of use to your daughter. Insomnia is frustrating enough as it is without the added frustration of audible distraction. Especially when you can't block it out! If she's interested in trying the trigger point therapy I would be happy to send you some info/pictures related to the points for ear issues. I wish for pleasant sleep and peaceful dreams for both of you!

Love always,
Nikaya

[SoHum]

Hello all,

I have been told that my guardian angel is Jophiel - that's the one with the sense of humour (ha, ha). Well, I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry but from the moment I opened my heart and hearth to Peace, Health and Wealth, I came down with the vilest, nastiest of colds  I can just see Jophiel giggling away, saying I should have specified what kind of health I had in mind 

So here it is for ALL to see:

Welcome "abiding Peace, vibrant, energetic and ever-lasting FANTASTIC Health and abundant, consistent Wealth".

Nikaya, thanks for the tip on triggering. I will now once again tap into my "wealth" to purchase the book and give myself a hand in supporting the health in my life 

[Dreamer]

Well, with all that has been going on I did not get my altar set up, but do have my heart open to the three visitors and hope that will be sufficient.
Nikaya, I, too, will look into purchasing that book on trigger points. I have had a hum/buzz in my ears for years and recently found out it is caused by fluid in my inner ears putting pressure on certain points that cause me to 'hear' the hum. I was given medication to attempt to get the fluid to move out of that area, but there was little success and I am not so bad off that surgically draining the ears is a viable option. Perhaps the trigger points will do something to create the change I need.
SoHum, I love your welcome for the three visitors.
Blessings all
Dreamer

[july62]

Hello,
 
Nikaya, I, too, will look into purchasing that book on trigger points,but please let me know,has it anything related to low pitched hearing as  I had that problem for years.The physician will simply say hearing loss,but why i hear it at times and not at others??
Can you please  look out the index.
 
SoHum great idea for welcoming the life long guests.
 
Regards
ZRD

[JeffH]

Joyous New Year All
It's really heartening to read comments regarding Paramahansa Yogananda and his autobiograpy.
There is so much wisdom in that book.
His organization, Self-Realization Fellowship, expands what is given  in the book.
check out www.yogananda-srf.org
Love, peace and light be with us for 2012

[Pure Bliss]

A time for caution: keeping my brain stable - i.e. brain-harmonics

You know, since I started BrainEv in March 2011 I am progressing along an evolutionary path that I really, really like  . As my brain gets fitter, more and more able to cope with differing demands WHILE REMAINING STABLE AND HARMONIC, life feels better and more of a co-adventure (whole-brained thinking). It isn't me struggling with this and that and having relatively little impact on improving those stubborn, big challenges out there. Now I tend to be more understanding and friendly towards my mind. I want my brain to work in an optimal way. I want to nourish it, treasure it, exercise it, listen to it, observe it....... and a whole big adventure unravels - and the external environment is just one aspect of what is going on.

I certainly notice that the fitter my brain becomes, the more stable it gets. People acting out, shouting, placing unreasonable demands on me (and all the unchangeable reality out there) do knock me about, but only a little, I quickly bounce back. Over months I have written about this resilience, this unflappability as it morphs into consciousness. It is so cheering and encouraging for me to experience myself back on track within 24 hours after the sale of the house fell through. Adolescent kids who tell me what is what just wrinkle my composure, and then I return to equilibrium. A mother with dementia, who has no sense of time and her reality is just how she perceives it in this minute, can be very challenging, yet within hours I am back to mental stability. This is a treasure worth any price. It is mental gold. Diamonds of the finest calibre.

The Stable Brain is a well-tuned Orchestra
Just as I constantly apply the physical fitness metaphor to my mental fitness - i.e. it takes time and consistency to build muscle, to learn balance, to gain stability and flexibility...... a new metaphor becomes my tool for understanding my inner world. My metaphor is an orchestra playing music. I can step back and look at my brain as I would if I were the conductor of an orchestra. The piece only sounds good if everyone is playing in harmony, at the right pitch, tempo and most importantly if we are all playing off the same musical score.

High beta (my beta frazzle appears to be a thing of my past - yum!) is seriously fast tempo stuff, and the weaker elements of my inner orchestra tend not to be able to sustain the pace for long. Consequently they get out of time. The violins play frenetically and chaotic circular thoughts result. Thoughts that lead nowhere, focused on the problem and NOT on the solution. Stuck, disharmony, unfit, untrained: this is a splintered brain, not harmonic.

Alpha pieces are the scores my brain likes best. It is calm enough so every member of the orchestra plays its very best. When I take my conductor's batton in hand, I see the percussionists (the limbic/emotional brain), the woodwinds (the prefrontal/reasoning brain), the strings (the visual cortex), etc etc all focused on working together to produce the best sound possible. In a brief time my brain is stable, calm, and prepared for a major collaborative work = whole-brain thinking. All manner of things are possible.

When I, the conductor,  add in theta waves, the whole spectrum of creativity, spirituality, unity, memories (both good and ugly) start to surface and colour my view of life and the planet. Theta is slower again. And the light show begins: blue and mauve swirl across the opera house ceiling. The occasional strobe light sparks and flashes. Snap shots, mini-visions, insights, and just that amazing feeling that all is well, indeed all is very, very well. (Why not leave the chaos and irritability to others out there. I can remain in this harmonic haven of mental space.) However, as a conductor, I do have to write my notes every few days. How do we perform as a whole? What works best? Which players are least fit and need encouragement? Who can do solos (strokes of insight and creativity and brilliance)? Which musical scores suit us all best right now at our current ability and skill level (level 2 for me - plenty of alpha and theta - SLOW down and work in harmony, guys!)? 

Delta is dead slow. As a conductor I aspire to leading my mental team to master this score too. This needs fitness, self-confidence, flexibility, and lots and lots of stability/balance/equilibrium/inner harmony. In delta even one instrument that wavers, a tiny irregularity in pitch or tempo draw our attention. Delta is intuitive music - only for those musicians who have mastered all the other skills and can blossom and solo within a group context. Delta appreciation needs total trust in the musician. The temperamental soloist will dump skeletons out of closed, locked closets without gentle, compassionate support. My sensitive musicians need encouragement, guidance, clear and precise instructions/directions (this is how I view setting an intention: I want my brain to work in a very specific way), with the backing of a committed team who keep pace, rhythm, time, and unroll a fertile landscape that supports solo spurts based on exquisite intuition. These are one-offs. Something so savour. A job well done. Team work, a pulling together so that individual musicians may shine.

Time for applause. [Can't you just hear the clapping. The surge of energy?]
No wonder my musicians want extra practice. They want to strut their stuff. As a composer, I am so excited at individual talents that are starting to emerge.

Time for an encore [Zugabe auf deutsch]. Just one more opportunity to play well together and shine a spotlight on yet another brilliant player. More applause.

Forgive my indulgence. Enjoy training your orchestra today and listen out for the harmonic bits - therein lies progress. Pure Bliss - personal conductor and aspiring soloist

[Pure Bliss]

Past Lives? Scary vision just outside my conscious view - is it my dead twin?

Hi all,
No time at all for posting or personal progress because I have been working full out and finish tomorrow. I have continued with the Open Focus and I use two Brain Ev level 2 sessions, usually back to back, to enable me to reconnect with my inner joy/contentment. The work situation is quite an adventure because there are quite a few situations which can trigger my post traumatic stress disorder. So far in two whole weeks nothing has been triggered - a really reassuring thing for me.

However something else is going on. Has anyone had experience with past life stuff? I have had three major sources of nightmares (being killed by a bull; seeing an expensive black ebony coffin in my living room; and now a brief flash of something that scares and frightens me), which seem to be past lifetime events. There is little time for me to write now, however I don't really believe in past lives, yet when I asked, no begged, to understand what these horrible repetitive nightmares meant, suddenly they became a sequence and I had a whole story that ran from beginning to end.

One example to illustrate. On the bull theme, I had a repetitive nightmare of me walking up a steep hill in a forest (Canada, I intuit, tho' I have never been to Canada) until I come out in a clearing and find a deserted house and a deserted farm with green doors and windows. I always felt such a dreadful sadness in this forest and old farm.

Second nightmare. I am being attacked by a bull - this takes all sorts of forms, and crops up whenever I am under stress. In real life I was a bull magnet and have been charged by bulls twice and had a few very close encounters with stray bulls on our land.

Third repetitive nightmare. I see this sad couple leaving their home. They are alone (no kids) and there is such an air of sadness around them.

I have dreamed these dreams for years and years - so boring. One night in desperation I shouted silently to myself "What's this all about?". And immediately I got a reply. The three nightmares combined into a long sequence. I walk as an adult up the forest track and visit this sad, sad, deserted farm. I enter one of the animal sheds and suddenly see myself as a 4 year old trapped inside with a mad bull who is stamping all over me, pushing his head down and crushing my body. And finally I see my heartbroken parents unable to remain on their farm and closing it up and leaving forever. They are devastated by their child's death (me!)

The happy conclusion is these nightmares stopped once I got the sequence and saw the 'story' of my death. Very occasionally I have a nightmare about a bull attacking me, but that is rare. And best of all, in real life bulls have stopped taking an abnormal interest in me. We live in a place where every farmer has at least three or four, so I see lots of bulls. What used to happen before was when I went for a walk, if there was a bull in the field, he would become agitated and unsettled, or worse still, jog over to investigate me. I was stiff with terror. This has completely stopped, the bull-magnetism has ended. Phew!

I had an identical experience with the coffin nightmare and also pleaded to understand it. This time however I had strong feelings of nausea every time I threw old clothes away in real life. Won't go into details.

At the moment it is bizarre. Something new is coming into consciousness. It is a picture. When I look at it, it gets fuzzier and recedes out of my mind's eye and slips to the bottom right corner of my visual field, so I can neither see it clearly nor focus on it.

The picture remains in my line of vision for brief snatches of time. I have done my BrainEv, I am relaxed.... and then I get this feeling of sadness that dissolves into fear, or fear that merges into sadness and BING a snapshot of something horrible, black, deformed, and scary, scary, scary. What is it? No idea. As I said, if I focus on it or think about it, it dissolves. If I just relax, it comes back into view - arrggghhhh, it is horrible and I feel such fear.

Based upon my past experiences of past life stuff recurring as dreams, I intuitively know this scary vision is from my past too. I asked myself what it was. I did intuit a reply. It is my twin. Strangely I was diagnosed with liver cancer at age 24, there was a tumour in my gall bladder. They operated and discovered it was not cancer, but a cyst with hair and bone inside = probably I was one of twins, the second twin had died in utero and been absorbed into my liver.

27 years later I am seeing this black, disfigured object. If I am to trust my intuition (which did not fail me previously when I asked to know more), this is indeed my dead twin. Strange. Why am I suppressing the full picture?

Also about 6 months ago (so at the time I had already started with BrainEv) a thought came to me out of the blue. I was facing a huge challenge. The thought popped into my head: "Don't waste the opportunity. My twin never got the chance to even live, so do it for my twin that they may live through me."

As I was driving into work today, a thought occurred to me. Fact: I was one month overdue, i.e. 10 months in gestation - absolutely no pregnant mother is allowed to go one month overdue today as the placenta can fail suddenly if it is too old, killing the unborn baby. I intuited that my twin and I were born together (it didn't die early on in pregnancy) but was actually born at ten months like me, but born dead and had been dead for a while. As I was born two days before Christmas, my mother didn't want to sadden my (then) six year old brother and seven year old sister, so she never told them she had had twins. They only knew about me. The scary black, deformed picture I am still repressing or hiding from is what I remember of my dead twin.

I look forward to unravelling this mystery and perhaps looking my dead twin in the face tonight and allowing it to re-enter my consciousness.

I am ready, now, to know the full story and see whatever slips into my conscious view, even if it looks horrible!